Funny Tourist Stories Along the Malecon in Mahahual

View from my balcony.

View from my balcony.

A got a couple of funny tourists stories to tell this morning that happened last week. As some of you may know now, I am not working at the port anymore, and now I am doing my thing on the malecon.

Because I have been here for awhile, some people seek me out for information or some special requests.

There was this tourist from the USA staying here last week. He was staying in Xcalak, but had a car and would drive up to Mahahual during the day, because there is not much to do in Xcalak. Well we were sitting there on the malecon, and he brings up the fact that he would like to meet a prostitute or a woman to have sex with him, and they had to be Mexican of course. I told him we did not have a lot of hookers in town, say like Cancun or Playa del Carmen. I told him his best option was maybe try the Navigador, (strip club and brothel in Barrio 55), up the road a bit. It was like 11am in the morning, but this guy was set on getting some action.

After he kept badgering me for about an hour, so finally I said go get your car and I will take you up there. So we drive up to the Navigador, and since he speaks no English, I took him inside. Little background about the Navigador, a lot of crew members off of cruise ships go there when they are in town. It is a strip club with rooms upstairs, and it is kind of like a brothel. It was a slow day so when we walked in there was a woman sweeping the floor, so I asked her what time the girls would be coming to work, and she said in a couple of hours, and kind of looked at us funny. The guy I took there was all worked up like a dog in heat, and this woman thought this was funny, that this guy was looking for a woman before lunch, and she kept laughing and saying, “Mas tardes, Mas tardes” in Spanish, which means, later, later. So we left there and he was frustrated.

As we were driving back, he asked if I knew where he could get some Viagra. I said sure the generic pharmacy in the casitas where I buy my diabetes meds, the lady there is nice and a local. I took him inside and showed him the Viagra counter, and Vero the owner, came over to assist us. I have known Vero a couple of years, and she does not speak a word of English, but she is nice and friendly. He asked me to ask her how much for a box of Viagra, she told me 240 pesos for a box, he looked at me and said, “That is less than $5 a pill.”, he then reached down and grabbed every box on the counter, and said, “I will take every box you got”. Well she stepped back and her eyes got big, (this is probably the biggest sale she has had in a long time), and she took his money, and kind of grinned, and said” Muchas Gracias”, and away we went.

We got back to town and I told him his best bet was to go along the malecon and ask around and see what he could find that way. So he popped a Viagra, and away he went. Well he finally searched until he found someone that could find him a woman on the malecon, and away he went, another happy tourist.

I have a very funny South Carolina story that happened here the other day. Thursdays here are “Redneck Day” here in Mahahual. We get 2 or 3 ships loaded with tourists from the south, Alabama, SC, NC, Georgia, and a bunch of others. We also call it “double wide ships”. At the port I always made a lot of money on Thursdays because I would wear my South Carolina Gamecocks hat, and people would buy tours from me because I was from the south. Well today I was in my chair in front of the Tropicante on the malecon doing what I do, and some guy came by with a Gamecock hat on and said “Go Gamecocks”. Well we started talking, and him and his wife and another couple from South Carolina were here for the day on a cruise ship. The 2 guys were both pretty big guys, and the women both being from South Carolina of course were both pretty chubby, hell, I will just go ahead and say it, they both were fat. So the women asked me were was I good place to eat on the malecon. I turned and said, ”Well the Tropicante of course, I eat here a lot”. The women started saying, “Well we don’t know, we might just want to walk around and look, we heard there were some all you could eat places here”. At that precise moment one of the waiters came walking by with a tray with a platter of mini burritos, onion rings, iguana eggs, french fries, fried shrimp and fish, (special they have can’t remember the name on the menu, but it is huge and everything is fried) and it is a lot to eat. As soon as the waiter passed by, one of the women’s eyes got real big and I could see her mouth start to water, and she eyed that platter the whole time as the waiter walked by, she then turned and said, “We are eating here”, and drug her husband and the other couple inside. I noticed their table later and let me tell you, I bet they ate the whole one side of the menu. And they attacked that food, they even bought a couple of bottles of tequila to take back with them. They shook my hand, patted me on the back, said Go Cocks and left. Got to love my SC homies,

One more final story before I go to work. I met a guy from Seattle wearing a Seahawks cap, he was here with his family on a ship. We got to talking football, and he asked me if there was a good coffee shop in town like Starbucks. I said the best we have here is K@rlitas up a little ways on the malecon. He asked me if I would show him and his son where it was. So I said sure no problem, I will take you. So I walked with them up the malecon to the coffee place, and I went inside with them. There was a young Mexican guy working the counter, and the Seattle guy went up to the counter and told the guy in English that he wanted a triple mocha low fat latte with this and that, sprinkles and all the other things they order in Seattle. The young Mexican guy, who does speak much English, just stared at him with a blank look in his eye. I just laughed and walked outside to wait, because I don’t drink coffee, never have drank coffee, and know nothing about coffee. so I did not want to get involved. So the guy came out with his coffee, and I asked him did the guy get his order right, and he said no. So the moral to this story is you might want to leave your Starbucks coffee habits at home in the USA when you come to Mahahual.

Thanks for reading,
Stewart Rogers USA-South Carolina

2 thoughts on “Funny Tourist Stories Along the Malecon in Mahahual

  1. Jim Hurley says:

    Stuart your to funny ! You might have wanted to comment on the older woman on the beach not the daughter ha ha ha . We had a great time and now we are in the history books In mahahual . With the good captain . Could not even move when I woke up after shoveling all day Wednesday . I will send you some pictures
    Adios amigos . Go Patriots !!!

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