1. You know all about the gypsy curse…
So listen to your mother and don’t drink on Mondays!
2. But you’re aware the real curse lies hidden behind “algo tranqui.”
Let’s keep it calm, they said. We have to work tomorrow, they said. Something “tranqui” (relaxed) always ends up with some of the following problems: missing phone, fresh wounds you have no idea how you got, wallet with a significant money absence, pissed off girlfriend/boyfriend, a bunch of phone calls you deeply hope no one answered, among many, many others. Piece of advice: never go tranqui, always go for everything!
3. You know that “mezcal doesn’t get you drunk, it gets you magical.”
If by “magical” you mean that particular condition where you cannot raise your head from the table and you mumble nonsense whilst believing you’re spouting verses that would put Baudelaire to shame… then yes, mezcal can get you immensely magical.
4. You’ve have drunk more Bacardi than anyone would be proud to admit.
The little black bat is the real ambassador of most Mexican parties. Despite the tequila tradition of the country and the recent reassessment of agave drinks, the first bottle to show up — and also the biggest one — is Bacacho.
5. You obviously know what a patona is.
And the consequences of it appearing early at the party.
6. You just know two kinds of beer: light or dark.
Ok, maybe three if you consider the campechana. Despite the recent avalanche of craft beers flooding the Mexican market, all the associated typology is still unclear to the average Mexican beer lover. But we do love beer, so give us a couple of years and we’ll be talking about stouts and porters as if we’ve been raised on them.
7. But we have a great catalogue of the different ways in which a beer can be “prepared.”
Because beer can be raw material for more complex beverages: micheladas, cheladas, cubanas, clamachelas and gomichelas are just a sample of the vast and weird world of the “prepared beer”. Sacrilege for some, ambrosia for others.
8. You remember that time when panic ran through bars and clubs.
Because…ether in the ice.
9. You don’t really know what’s the deal with wine.
Let’s face it, we don’t drink wine regularly — no, Caribe Coolers don’t count. It only appears during important events and social gatherings and we don’t really know what to make of it. However, wine culture has been steadily growing in our country for the last couple decades and now we have some internationally renowned wine regions and brands.
10. You don’t remember a single thing about that time you decided to venture into aguas locas territory.
And that’s probably for the best. What happens with Tonayán, should stay with Tonayán.
11. Charro negro, paloma and tequila sunrise were all witnesses of your unfortunate first steps in the world of alcoholic beverages.
Maybe because tequila was the thing back then, maybe because you didn’t know the name of any other cocktails, or maybe because you had never experienced a tequila cruda before. If this was your case, you probably still feel a bitter cold going down your neck whenever you detect the hideous smell of Jimador combined with grapefruit juice.
12. And even if you survived your first encounter with tequila cocktails…
You probably fell before the power of the muppet. The most advanced form to annihilate any human’s taste for tequila.
13. But despite your early encounters, agave plants still have a special place in your heart.
Agave is much more than tequila, this amazing plant is behind a lot of our more traditional beverages like mezcal, pulque, raicilla and bacanora, just to name a few.
14. You know the consequences of someone calling out for “un Hidalgo.”
Things are gonna get messy, something tells you this should be a good time to call it a night, but you’re not that strong, especially because you already had a couple of Hidalgos yourself. Fondo, fondo, fondo!
15. You know what a jarrito loco is.
And you’re craving for one right now!
16. You put the watermelon aside of your fruit salad the morning after a big party.
You don’t really believe in those old myths… it’s just that juicy and refreshing fruits are not your thing during a hangover.
17. You know that any day of the week is good to head out for a drink.
But nothing even compares to the wild marathons that start in juevebes and finish in dormingo.
18. Fortunately, you have a PhD in hangover remedies.
Like the good old Germán Valdés used to say: “A comer pancita, con los agachados, que vengo muy crudo.” No hangover is strong enough to resist a warm, spicy broth for breakfast. If you’re feeling bold, you can always include a new beer during your first meal to “connect the party” and let the day do whatever it wants with you. Salud!
Thanks for reading,
Stewart Rogers USA-South Carolina